iClops

One day last week I came across quite the passionate character in front of a store. He was standing in line for the latest tablet. "I'm iClops and I love Apple products!" He exclaimed. "I cannot wait for the latest tablet!" he yelled.

"Oh, that's nice" I replied. I proceeded to check some missed calls on my Android phone. iClops guffawed. "Bwa ha ha! You are using an inferior Droid! Bwa ha ha!" I shrugged and tried to continue with my day. "I am buying the new ipad. It is better than your inferior droid" he yelled. "That's nice... umm my phone is actually 4 years old..." I replied. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him further questions...

"What makes the new ipad... so... new?" I inquired. "Why, it has a new retina display and is even more powerful." he boomed. I was puzzled. "So, the ipad 2 is lame now?" I asked. "Yes, the new ipad has a retina display and has a better processor. It is the best! Plus, it keeps you safe from the evils of flash applications that have security issues. I'm so glad Apple told me not to go to certain webpages that have flash since they are security hazards!"

I blinked with confusion... "But... don't you go to websites that have flash on your Macbook?" iClops blinked angrily. iClops yelled more. "The new ipad will dominate gaming and soon you will play on an ipad!" I was a little shocked but tried to be polite about it. "Casual games I'm sure are fun on the ipad, but I don't think I'll see myself playing Skyrim, Mass Effect 3, or hardcore games on it. Besides, I can always surf to a flash site and play casual games for free... on a mac or pc, even android powered tablets." iClops fists clenched.

Sensing danger, I tried to change the subject. "Well, that display is really cool, no way any technology could catch that...in a few months... plus that's great they finally probably allow you to use usb ports and sd cards just like in obsolete older tablets. Right?"

At that point iClops punched me in the stomach.

Professor Paranoid

Professor Paranoid is delusional. He jumps at shadows and imagines monsters of his own making. He goes from hamlet to hamlet scaring people with his visions. Since he can be considered accomplished because of his academic stature people give him credibility as an "expert". He cons many homes into home cooked meals and free lodging, telling them he will protect families from shadows and boogeymen.

Prissy Pelican

Prissy Pelican likes to hang out by the local dry bar down by the docks. Swooping down upon unsuspecting ladies, she steals hair care products for her own personal use storing them in her beak pouch. She wants to be the prettiest pelican on the dock no matter what the cost.