Friday, August 10, 2012

Headohairsaurus the Birthday Beast

It looks like I'll have to fend off another Birthday Beast. I got a new nephew yesterday! Turns out he had a thick head of hair to boot! However, this ultimately attracts Headohairsaurus so we'll need to be on the lookout.

Headohairsaurus likes to show up unexpectedly at nurseries across the world to have hair contests. Headohairsaurus tends to be very insecure and vain so, he can be annoying. Welcome to the world my nephew Dev! Now be vigilant.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Laughing Knight

Renny awoke startled. He would have yelled a warning to the house but found his lungs filled with black smoke. Choking and coughing he found his way to his family, huddled towards the back door. His father, opening the door revealed a normally black night sky lit by fire originating from the village. Renny's father raced everyone to the safety of the barn. He reassured them he would return shortly and check on the village elders. He left with a nearby pitchfork in hand and raced towards the flames and village. Soon, blood curdling screams could be heard from varying degrees of anguish followed by what could be construed as giggling. Renny peered outside to look, and the saw what he thought was only myth... The Laughing Knight was standing atop a nearby hill, observing the chaos which Renny could only hear. He never heard from his father again. Thus began Renny's quest to hunt the Laughing Knight.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Carl The Praying Mantis Baller

Carl likes to show up at the local recreation center to play basketball. He ruins everyone's fun by chucking up prayer shots and having them swish every time. Ever play against anyone like this?

Saturday, March 24, 2012


One day last week I came across quite the passionate character in front of a store. He was standing in line for the latest tablet. "I'm iClops and I love Apple products!" He exclaimed. "I cannot wait for the latest tablet!" he yelled.

"Oh, that's nice" I replied. I proceeded to check some missed calls on my Android phone. iClops guffawed. "Bwa ha ha! You are using an inferior Droid! Bwa ha ha!" I shrugged and tried to continue with my day. "I am buying the new ipad. It is better than your inferior droid" he yelled. "That's nice... umm my phone is actually 4 years old..." I replied. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him further questions...

"What makes the new ipad... so... new?" I inquired. "Why, it has a new retina display and is even more powerful." he boomed. I was puzzled. "So, the ipad 2 is lame now?" I asked. "Yes, the new ipad has a retina display and has a better processor. It is the best! Plus, it keeps you safe from the evils of flash applications that have security issues. I'm so glad Apple told me not to go to certain webpages that have flash since they are security hazards!"

I blinked with confusion... "But... don't you go to websites that have flash on your Macbook?" iClops blinked angrily. iClops yelled more. "The new ipad will dominate gaming and soon you will play on an ipad!" I was a little shocked but tried to be polite about it. "Casual games I'm sure are fun on the ipad, but I don't think I'll see myself playing Skyrim, Mass Effect 3, or hardcore games on it. Besides, I can always surf to a flash site and play casual games for free... on a mac or pc, even android powered tablets." iClops fists clenched.

Sensing danger, I tried to change the subject. "Well, that display is really cool, no way any technology could catch a few months... plus that's great they finally probably allow you to use usb ports and sd cards just like in obsolete older tablets. Right?"

At that point iClops punched me in the stomach.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Professor Paranoid

Professor Paranoid is delusional. He jumps at shadows and imagines monsters of his own making. He goes from hamlet to hamlet scaring people with his visions. Since he can be considered accomplished because of his academic stature people give him credibility as an "expert". He cons many homes into home cooked meals and free lodging, telling them he will protect families from shadows and boogeymen.