Headohairsaurus the Birthday Beast

It looks like I'll have to fend off another Birthday Beast. I got a new nephew yesterday! Turns out he had a thick head of hair to boot! However, this ultimately attracts Headohairsaurus so we'll need to be on the lookout.

Headohairsaurus likes to show up unexpectedly at nurseries across the world to have hair contests. Headohairsaurus tends to be very insecure and vain so, he can be annoying. Welcome to the world my nephew Dev! Now be vigilant.

The Laughing Knight

Renny awoke startled. He would have yelled a warning to the house but found his lungs filled with black smoke. Choking and coughing he found his way to his family, huddled towards the back door. His father, opening the door revealed a normally black night sky lit by fire originating from the village. Renny's father raced everyone to the safety of the barn. He reassured them he would return shortly and check on the village elders. He left with a nearby pitchfork in hand and raced towards the flames and village. Soon, blood curdling screams could be heard from varying degrees of anguish followed by what could be construed as giggling. Renny peered outside to look, and the saw what he thought was only myth... The Laughing Knight was standing atop a nearby hill, observing the chaos which Renny could only hear. He never heard from his father again. Thus began Renny's quest to hunt the Laughing Knight.

Carl The Praying Mantis Baller

Carl likes to show up at the local recreation center to play basketball. He ruins everyone's fun by chucking up prayer shots and having them swish every time. Ever play against anyone like this?

iClops

One day last week I came across quite the passionate character in front of a store. He was standing in line for the latest tablet. "I'm iClops and I love Apple products!" He exclaimed. "I cannot wait for the latest tablet!" he yelled.

"Oh, that's nice" I replied. I proceeded to check some missed calls on my Android phone. iClops guffawed. "Bwa ha ha! You are using an inferior Droid! Bwa ha ha!" I shrugged and tried to continue with my day. "I am buying the new ipad. It is better than your inferior droid" he yelled. "That's nice... umm my phone is actually 4 years old..." I replied. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him further questions...

"What makes the new ipad... so... new?" I inquired. "Why, it has a new retina display and is even more powerful." he boomed. I was puzzled. "So, the ipad 2 is lame now?" I asked. "Yes, the new ipad has a retina display and has a better processor. It is the best! Plus, it keeps you safe from the evils of flash applications that have security issues. I'm so glad Apple told me not to go to certain webpages that have flash since they are security hazards!"

I blinked with confusion... "But... don't you go to websites that have flash on your Macbook?" iClops blinked angrily. iClops yelled more. "The new ipad will dominate gaming and soon you will play on an ipad!" I was a little shocked but tried to be polite about it. "Casual games I'm sure are fun on the ipad, but I don't think I'll see myself playing Skyrim, Mass Effect 3, or hardcore games on it. Besides, I can always surf to a flash site and play casual games for free... on a mac or pc, even android powered tablets." iClops fists clenched.

Sensing danger, I tried to change the subject. "Well, that display is really cool, no way any technology could catch that...in a few months... plus that's great they finally probably allow you to use usb ports and sd cards just like in obsolete older tablets. Right?"

At that point iClops punched me in the stomach.

Professor Paranoid

Professor Paranoid is delusional. He jumps at shadows and imagines monsters of his own making. He goes from hamlet to hamlet scaring people with his visions. Since he can be considered accomplished because of his academic stature people give him credibility as an "expert". He cons many homes into home cooked meals and free lodging, telling them he will protect families from shadows and boogeymen.

Prissy Pelican

Prissy Pelican likes to hang out by the local dry bar down by the docks. Swooping down upon unsuspecting ladies, she steals hair care products for her own personal use storing them in her beak pouch. She wants to be the prettiest pelican on the dock no matter what the cost.

Sounds of Terror From A Place of Rest

It took almost a year out of school, but Billiam finally managed to land a contract job in the big city of BigCityTon.. Although the job had no benefits and health insurance he decided to pack his things and leave the safety of his father's home. He needed to find his way in the world and he was in the prime of his life health wise. After all, it was well worth the risk and he needed to pay off his student loans. A few months passed while he couch surfed and finally found a humble apartment. The landlord was distant but accommodating and was pleased to greet him on his way to work each morning.

The job kept Billiam busy. He often found himself stressed adjusting to city life and the job. His boss was obnoxious, his coworkers obsessed with impressing others. These were things Billiam was not accustomed to. His apartment became a true source of peace and quiet. Oddly enough, for obvious and not so obvious reasons, his bathroom became the primary source of quiet meditation and reflection.

One night something changed... It started when Billiam awoke startled at 4 am.  A strong, powerful, rumble rang through his apartment. Billiam thought he was dreaming as the sound shook his bed and walls. He jumped out of his bed and realized the sound was traveling from an unknown source in his apartment. In a trance-like waking state he meandered through his apartment following the sound. Billiam was in a mental haze, almost as if watching his body in an out of body experience. He began to watch himself walk closer and closer to the origin point of the sound. The sound became deafening and violent and was best described as a low, deep, guttural foghorn.

Billiam watched helplessly as his sleepy body stumbled closer and closer to the sound. Turning on the light in the hallway did not help matters. Darkness remained steadfast in his place of solace- the bathroom. To his horror he finally discovered the origin point of the sound. His toilet...

Trixter the Monkey

Once in awhile I read stuff on the internet and I came across a Brazilian folk tale for inspiration today.

Trixter the Monkey lived with silly animals and an old woman in a garden full of fruit trees. Although the garden's trees kept all the animals fed there was one tree in particular that had extremely enticing fruit. However, the old woman had a password lock on each tree and this special tree had an extra long, extra hard password... Kind of like a wifi key at your friend's house. By the time anyone could reach this tree the password would fade from memory.

One day the monkey had an idea. He brought along his guitar and blended the password into a song upon asking the old woman. The monkey, playing the song over and over finally unlocked the secret fruit of the tree by the time he reached it!

However, after sampling the fruit he realized it wasn't worth it- the beautiful fruit had gone sour causing a contorted, twisted face of displeasure for the monkey. The monkey thought long and hard about this unexpected turn. He then had another idea. He played his fancy tune for the other animals encouraging them to sample the sour fruit, enjoying the sight of their displeasure upon tasting. He was finally happy indeed.

Curious? The original folk story can be found here.

Baldy Mammoth

Baldy Mammoth lived during prehistoric times. Unlike other wooly mammoths Baldy was obsessed with being hairless. Unfortunately for him he shaved one too many times and his hair stopped growing. He soon realized how much he missed his wooly hair. He took it out on his mammoth brethren and began assaulting them, insisting every one of them be hairless like him with a razor. He keeps a collection of shaved hair atop his head as a toupee trophy from his victims.

The ExSpectre

This is the ExSpectre. He expects things from you. If he shows up in your life he expects you to guess what he wants. If you fail he'll return again the next day expecting you to guess again. Expect to be haunted until you guess correctly.

FumeyGator

Garth was an unusual gator of Backwould Swamp. Instead of putting deodorant on like the rest of the animals in the swamp he chose to stay stinky. Alas, Backwould Swamp slowly became unbearable.

Due to the number of complaints a hazardous materials investigator was called in. Unfortunately, we never learned the name of the investigator after he removed his mask for a quick smoke. The light of the match mixed with Garth's fumes ignited the investigator to instant ash leaving his suit preserved. Garth came upon the suit and retrofitted it to enhance his stench while protecting himself. He now wanders the land to teach everyone a lesson... I don't know what the lesson is... Do you?

Hypocritamus

Hypocritamus is a politician...

Fun Comix: Featuring the Armchair Schemer

Hi Everyone,

I introduce you to the official first comic strip of this villainous blog! Welcome to Fun Comix!

This comic features one of my favorite villains- The Armchair Schemer. Enjoy.

Tommy the Turtleneck

Tommy was once an average turtle. One day he waddled into a local department store and saw a turtleneck sweater on clearance. He bought the sweater and has worn it ever since.

He now thinks he fits in with high society sipping scotch and smoking cigarettes while laughing at all the turtle friends of his past. What a jerk.

RockBeard The Pirate

Sometimes when getting up in the morning I like a nice clean shave. This comes to a screeching halt when I discover a blunt and dull razor blade is grabbing my skin. I then realize I have been visited by Rockbeard The Pirate.

Rockbeard the pirate was cursed many years ago. He was cursed after stealing a treasure chest belonging to a fellow pirate Madrussa the Stone Gazer. His whiskers did not escape her stone stare resulting in a petrified abomination of a beard.

He now sails the high seas in search of the perfect razor and shave, longing for the refreshing after shave lotion sensation to calm his weathered skin. He currently breaks into ships and unsuspecting land dwellers' homes stealing brand new razors and replacing them with dull, useless, versions. Be on the lookout.