iClops

One day last week I came across quite the passionate character in front of a store. He was standing in line for the latest tablet. "I'm iClops and I love Apple products!" He exclaimed. "I cannot wait for the latest tablet!" he yelled.

"Oh, that's nice" I replied. I proceeded to check some missed calls on my Android phone. iClops guffawed. "Bwa ha ha! You are using an inferior Droid! Bwa ha ha!" I shrugged and tried to continue with my day. "I am buying the new ipad. It is better than your inferior droid" he yelled. "That's nice... umm my phone is actually 4 years old..." I replied. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him further questions...

"What makes the new ipad... so... new?" I inquired. "Why, it has a new retina display and is even more powerful." he boomed. I was puzzled. "So, the ipad 2 is lame now?" I asked. "Yes, the new ipad has a retina display and has a better processor. It is the best! Plus, it keeps you safe from the evils of flash applications that have security issues. I'm so glad Apple told me not to go to certain webpages that have flash since they are security hazards!"

I blinked with confusion... "But... don't you go to websites that have flash on your Macbook?" iClops blinked angrily. iClops yelled more. "The new ipad will dominate gaming and soon you will play on an ipad!" I was a little shocked but tried to be polite about it. "Casual games I'm sure are fun on the ipad, but I don't think I'll see myself playing Skyrim, Mass Effect 3, or hardcore games on it. Besides, I can always surf to a flash site and play casual games for free... on a mac or pc, even android powered tablets." iClops fists clenched.

Sensing danger, I tried to change the subject. "Well, that display is really cool, no way any technology could catch that...in a few months... plus that's great they finally probably allow you to use usb ports and sd cards just like in obsolete older tablets. Right?"

At that point iClops punched me in the stomach.

Professor Paranoid

Professor Paranoid is delusional. He jumps at shadows and imagines monsters of his own making. He goes from hamlet to hamlet scaring people with his visions. Since he can be considered accomplished because of his academic stature people give him credibility as an "expert". He cons many homes into home cooked meals and free lodging, telling them he will protect families from shadows and boogeymen.

Prissy Pelican

Prissy Pelican likes to hang out by the local dry bar down by the docks. Swooping down upon unsuspecting ladies, she steals hair care products for her own personal use storing them in her beak pouch. She wants to be the prettiest pelican on the dock no matter what the cost.

Sounds of Terror From A Place of Rest

It took almost a year out of school, but Billiam finally managed to land a contract job in the big city of BigCityTon.. Although the job had no benefits and health insurance he decided to pack his things and leave the safety of his father's home. He needed to find his way in the world and he was in the prime of his life health wise. After all, it was well worth the risk and he needed to pay off his student loans. A few months passed while he couch surfed and finally found a humble apartment. The landlord was distant but accommodating and was pleased to greet him on his way to work each morning.

The job kept Billiam busy. He often found himself stressed adjusting to city life and the job. His boss was obnoxious, his coworkers obsessed with impressing others. These were things Billiam was not accustomed to. His apartment became a true source of peace and quiet. Oddly enough, for obvious and not so obvious reasons, his bathroom became the primary source of quiet meditation and reflection.

One night something changed... It started when Billiam awoke startled at 4 am.  A strong, powerful, rumble rang through his apartment. Billiam thought he was dreaming as the sound shook his bed and walls. He jumped out of his bed and realized the sound was traveling from an unknown source in his apartment. In a trance-like waking state he meandered through his apartment following the sound. Billiam was in a mental haze, almost as if watching his body in an out of body experience. He began to watch himself walk closer and closer to the origin point of the sound. The sound became deafening and violent and was best described as a low, deep, guttural foghorn.

Billiam watched helplessly as his sleepy body stumbled closer and closer to the sound. Turning on the light in the hallway did not help matters. Darkness remained steadfast in his place of solace- the bathroom. To his horror he finally discovered the origin point of the sound. His toilet...

Trixter the Monkey

Once in awhile I read stuff on the internet and I came across a Brazilian folk tale for inspiration today.

Trixter the Monkey lived with silly animals and an old woman in a garden full of fruit trees. Although the garden's trees kept all the animals fed there was one tree in particular that had extremely enticing fruit. However, the old woman had a password lock on each tree and this special tree had an extra long, extra hard password... Kind of like a wifi key at your friend's house. By the time anyone could reach this tree the password would fade from memory.

One day the monkey had an idea. He brought along his guitar and blended the password into a song upon asking the old woman. The monkey, playing the song over and over finally unlocked the secret fruit of the tree by the time he reached it!

However, after sampling the fruit he realized it wasn't worth it- the beautiful fruit had gone sour causing a contorted, twisted face of displeasure for the monkey. The monkey thought long and hard about this unexpected turn. He then had another idea. He played his fancy tune for the other animals encouraging them to sample the sour fruit, enjoying the sight of their displeasure upon tasting. He was finally happy indeed.

Curious? The original folk story can be found here.